Category Archives: 2012

These are a few of my least-favourite things

Not to be a negative nelly or anything, but there are some things that just won’t do. Peeves, if you will. Here are some of mine:

  • The word ‘nixer’. I can’t explain it. I just hate it.
  • People who don’t believe me when I say I don’t drink tea or coffee, and particularly, people who are horrified by the revelation. I’m not stopping YOU from drinking them. Also, it means I never get caught up in office tea/coffee politics, and never get into trouble at home for there not being any milk.
  • That Crunchy Nut Cornflakes ad where the girl is sitting in the car and she pours the milk directly into the cereal box and then tips it all into her gob and the Crunchy Nut Cornflake-tainted milk goes down her neck inside her collar. Imagine the smell off it after an hour or so? Imagine how sticky it would be? Imagine the bang of old socks off it? So wrong.
  • Hats with animal ears. Not acceptable on grown-ups. Children, yes. Grown-ups. No. Controversially, I believe a onesie is an acceptable item of clothing for an adult, in the comfort of their own homes. But don’t make me look at you at a festival wearing a hat with ears. They’re not your ears. You’re not fooling anyone.

This is ok

This is not ok

  • Poorly washed dishes. If I can still see your dinner from yesterday on the plate, the plate is not clean. If I can see a mucky pawprint on the glass, the glass is not clean. A cloth for wiping the table is not an acceptable cleaning implement for said plates and glasses. A dedicated dish-washing tool should be used. There are no short cuts here. None.
  • The smell of brown sauce. Smells like poverty.
  • Baby on board stickers. I’m not any more likely to purposefully ram into the back of your car if you don’t have a baby on board sticker. “What’s that? There’s no baby on board? Well then I’ll just scoot on up there and cause a pile-up”. Ditto for “princess on board”, “supporter of x football team on board”, “crazy bitch on board”… basically, I don’t want to know who’s on board.

Well,  now that I’ve let a little bit of my rotten apple core heart out, here are some things that I DO like:

  • Cats getting into scrapes
  • Videos of cats getting into scrapes.
  • This:

and this:

  • Sesame sticks
  • Anne of Green Gables
  • Jurassic Park
  • Watching somebody play video games such as Skyrim and Assassins Creed, which are kind of like films
  • Parks and Recreation
  • Swimming in the sea
  • Swimming anywhere
  • Cuddling in
  • Singing along to Kate Bush, specifically Wuthering Heights and This Woman’s Work
  • That smug deadly feeling you get just after doing loads of exercise outdoors and just before you eat everything in the house, thus undoing all the good work
  • New magazines that someone else has paid for
  • Turning the pillow over to get to the cold side
  • Lemon drizzle cake
  • Fanta
  • New books
  • John Cusack in Say Anything
  • The film Aliens
  • Trivial Pursuit

The Choir Practice

So today my friend Aisling sent me a message which simply stated ‘let’s find a choir and join it’. She was probably responding to me putting a video on Facebook* of this lovely version of one of my favourite songs (and the namesake for this blog):

…but she also reminded me that I need to buck up and set the ball rolling on some of the things on my list of things to do before I’m forty. Number one on that list is “Be a choir nerd again”. Already our conversation has escalated to me suggesting that we form our own choir in the manner of Scala and Kolacny Brothers or that other choir who do the Rammstein covers or an older version of this bunch, or even a younger version of these old cute bastards – I defy you not to feel something when you watch this:

We’re also toying with the idea of musical societies and gospel choirs, but the dancing required for the former and the God-loving aspect of the latter might put the kybosh on those plans.

Now another friend Ciara has chimed in and said she was part of a choir in Melbourne whose repertoire included many Lionel Richie numbers AND Total Eclipse of the Heart. SIGN ME UP. Now we’re wondering can we get something similar going here and are already thinking of who we could get to lead it. Imagine the possibilities! We’d be releasing an album of Meatloaf and Hot Chip covers before we knew it. Form an orderly queue….

*I do realise that this contravenes number 25

**Aisling, Ciara and I were all in the same school choir. We got to the national finals once. Celine Byrne was in our choir. She’s a famous warbler now. We all know the Hallelujah Chorus. Smug.

***Also, I have already completed number 4: Visit Sarah in Arizona. See?

Bananagrams, rumours and video games… how I cheated New Years Eve

Everyone dreads New Years Eve just a little bit, don’t they? Or at least, it makes them a little emotional. They’re either reflecting on what they have or haven’t achieved in the past year, thinking about who they are and are not going to be with at the stroke of midnight, and dreading waking up on New Years Day with that sinking feeling that it’s January and there are 12 long months to go before it’s acceptable to watch Ratatouille in your pyjamas at 4pm eating chocolate Kimberleys/purple Roses/Pringles/Curly Wurlies and drinking Baileys/West Coast Cooler/wine/three cans of Fanta.

There’s also the pressure to get up to something marvellous on New Years Eve, to attend an event worthy enough of the almighty turn of the page on the calendar. This year, I didn’t make any plans, but a last minute turn of events meant that the transition from 2011 to 2012 was the most pleasing in living memory.

There were just two of us. We came together in a last minute arrangement… well,  last hour to be precise, not kicking our ‘celebrations’ off until 11pm. I came bearing red wine and Bananagrams, and an iPhone to which I had only managed to add a worrying mish-mash of music from Pearl Jam, Jay-Z, Fleetwood Mac, The Jezabels and The Rubberbandits (I have a very, very strained relationship with iTunes).

Getting stuck into the wine (and bearing in mind that I was on medication which came with a warning against such carry-on) we agreed that we’d play a game or two, listen to some music, ring in the new year, and maybe head into one of the city’s many fine establishments for a wee dance if the fancy took us.

Fast forward to 12.20am, January 1 2012 and there we are, furiously scrambling to make the best words out of our Bananagram tiles, looking cock-eyed at the Ms and Ns and Ps after imbibing much of the wine, occasionally wailing along to Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours and The Jezabels, when suddenly we turned to each other and said ‘Oh! We totally missed the new year’.

It was actually one of the most liberating experiences I’ve had in a while. We hadn’t done the old ten-second countdown which usually ends in a cheer, forced kisses and a realisation that you still have to struggle to the bar to get another drink. Instead we high-fived, said HAPPY NEW YEAR in mock gaiety, delighted that we’d managed to outsmart THE WORLD, and decided we needed to vary our new years playlist a little….

Along we crooned to Video Games, roared all the words along with Florence and Her Machine, did the special gun dance for MIA’s Paper Planes, made up the words to Sleepyhead, sang all seven minutes of All My Friends, laughed at Tinie Tempah keeping so many clothes at his aunt’s house, and relished in shouting “OH-OH SKEET SKEET MOTHERF***ER” along to Get Low.

Out we crazied into the night, meself and himself, flagging down a taxi to take us into town to get a quick dance in. Of course, by the time we got there the cloakroom was closed and they were serving last drinks at the bar, so it was back home before we knew it, but sure who cares? Didn’t we fool new years eve?

Get Low

Heaven is a place on earth with you….”

They couldn’t think of something to say the day you burst…”

I have this breath and I hold it tight, and I keep it in my chest with all my might…”

I get rush, I get shivers inside when you call…”

Like never before….”

And when you’re running out of the drugs, and the conversation’s grinding away…”

Dentists, dogs and dancing: My 40 by 40

In no particular order, here are forty things I think I’d like to do by the time I’m forty. Obviously I would like some of them to happen much sooner than that (in fact, I’m considering many of them resolutions for 2012), but some will just have to wait. I’m already a little bit panicked about the dentist commitment, and due to a recent dose of the blues will be striving particularly hard for number 10, but here goes….

1 Be a choir nerd again like this gang, or this lot (UPDATE 12th March 2012: Started to get the ball rolling on this one)

2 Grow my hair long

3 Cycle everywhere like one of those deadly people that cycle everywhere

4 Visit Sarah in Arizona (UPDATE 5th January 2012: Flights are booked. UPDATE #2 6th March 2012: Made the trip in late January/early February 2012, and what a time we had)

Me and Sarah, Jack Palancing

5 Have a dog

6 Have a garden

7 Stop smoking, and stop saying it’s ok to smoke if I’m drinking wine. It’s not.

8 Visit Mexico

9 Live by my wits on a beach (maybe in Mexico?)

This would do, I s'pose

10 Be happy

11 Eat less, move more

12 Make and sell (at least five) birthday cards with the help of my trusty craft box

An early prototype

13 Do an art class

14 Read The Great War for Civilisation which I got for Christmas 2005 from my brother

A challenge

Gulp, I've had it for SIX YEARS

15 Get the tattoo I’ve always wanted, and the body I’ve wanted to put it on

16 Love myself and be loved

17 Learn (some) Spanish

No idea

18 Dance in a burlesque get up

19 Play guitar properly

20 Get top of ear pierced again and don’t let it get the better of me

21 Travel in a campervan

22 Have a baby?!? (this is highly negotiable)

"Yessss. I turned Chuck Norris into sand"

23 Keep Dad‘s memory alive

24 Write a book or a TV show (or both)

25 Give up Facebook

26 Work hard and play hard

27 Lean to cook delicious Italian and Mexican food without having to spend a day cooking it and a day cleaning up

28 Attempt to wear matching underwear

29 Snorkel at El Portus again

30 Drive across America

31 Visit the dentist every six months

32 Fork out the cash to replace gap left by broken tooth

33 Go to Glastonbury

34 Have my own home

35 Learn to swim and dive properly, not just the shambolic way I taught myself

36 Get a credit card

37 Remember god-daughter’s birthday every year and send card and present (shouldn’t be too hard, her birthday is the same as mine)

38 Stop worrying

39 Run a marathon

40 Eat five a day

(41 And finally, a little non-achievable one, but how mega would it be to be like Stevie Nicks in this video?….)